ShmoopTube

00:04

Shmoopin' the Bible! Genesis, part two. Hello and welcome back [Bible on a chair]

00:09

to Shmoopin' the Bible I'm Cecil B deShmoop and well so let's just pick up right

00:13

where we left off smack dab in the middle of Genesis, and in case you need a [Cecil talking in front of a fireplace]

00:17

refresher lots of things were created, some fruit was eaten, lots of things were

00:21

lost including unicorns, and the relief of a pleasant breeze on a hot day. Moral [Naked Adam stretches in a field]

00:27

of the story, don't eat fruit. But try telling my heart doctor that you know..

00:32

Alrighty let's jump back in with the story of Babel which is basically a

00:36

bunch of people coming together in the Valley of Shinar to create the first

00:39

civilization. Under one language they built a tower that reaches the heavens. [People working on a tower]

00:44

Yeah, take that NASA! God sees what's happening and is like whoa, whoa, whoa

00:50

guys this is my territory, can't have you doing this. Here's what's gonna happen.

00:56

I'm going to confuse your language and scatter you so you don't get this close [Two builders try to talk in different languages]

01:00

to my place again we need to define our boundaries and no you can't keep a tooth

01:05

brush here. So if you've ever been lost in a foreign country and tried to get

01:09

directions only to have someone call the cops on you and you end up spending the

01:12

night behind bars in Amsterdam, well.. now you know why. Not that I'm speaking from [Cecil in a cell with prisoners]

01:17

experience... yeah. So we've reviewed the creation of humanity and civilization

01:24

what next what next, aha yes, Israel's creation story well Abram and his wife

01:30

Sarai are Egypt bound to avoid famine. Good idea guys.. Well before they arrive [Abram and Sarai in a horse and cart]

01:36

Abram and Sarai agree to tell the Egyptians that Sarai is his sister. Why?

01:41

Well turns out Sarai is basically a supermodel and Abram knows that the

01:45

Egyptians will kill him to get to her. So they headed into Egypt disguised as

01:50

siblings and what do you know it works out. Pharaoh was quite taken with Sarai

01:54

and accepts both her and her brother into his court all is going well until God [Pharaoh shows a particular liking to Sarai]

01:59

sends a few pesky plagues Egypt's way. Somehow Pharaoh connects Abram and Sarai

02:04

to these plagues and he gives them the boot so much like Willie Nelson they're

02:08

on the road again! On the road again.. so let's be honest they're

02:12

probably a little more alert than Willie. Coming along for the ride is Abram's [Willie Nelson laid on the back of a horse]

02:16

nephew, Lot and all their bickering servants. They bicker so much that they

02:21

eventually force them to split ways and split land well Lot chooses Sodom, Abram

02:27

takes Kenan. Long story short, Lot didn't choose wisely, bad luck. Abram makes a

02:33

covenant with God who says you're Abraham now your wife is Sarah now and [God changes their name badges]

02:38

you'll have a boy call him Isaac oh and I don't know invent circumcision or

02:44

something see ya. I'd imagine Abraham face looked something like this. Back [Abraham looks shocked]

02:50

inside and Lot's neighbors are rapists and sex addicts which makes my neighbor

02:54

look like a saint even if he still hasn't returned my game of thrones box

02:58

set. Jerry, hmm? Anyway God's like this place is the worst so I'm gonna nuke it

03:06

good? Good. And he tells a lot to leave and not look back well Lot's wife must [God holding a bomb with a timer]

03:12

have missed the memo. She kept telling Lot to stick memos on the fridge but did

03:16

he ever remember? Of course not, so she ends up looking back and turns into a

03:20

pillar of salt why well maybe as punishment for secretly wanting that way of life

03:24

maybe she was just checking to see if she turned the stove off and saw God [Sarai turns back and sees God dancing]

03:29

that's not super clear. No matter the reason lot never had to buy salt for his

03:34

popcorn again, you know hey waste not want not. Anyway back to Abraham and

03:38

Sarah, in what might be one of my least favorite biblical turns of event 90 year

03:44

old Sarah gives birth to Isaac. 90 years old think about that people. I mean come

03:50

on you should have one foot in the grave not two in the stirrups. Ya know what we

03:54

mean there. Anyway, some time passes and Abraham sends a servant to get Isaac [The Sun rises and Abraham's servant leaves]

03:59

a wife. He returns with Rebecca, well Abe and Sarah die after living good long

04:05

lives, full of way too much childbirth for one of them, and Isaac and Rebecca

04:09

wed and have twins Esau and Jacob and I keep narrating this seemingly

04:14

never-ending video. On to Jacob well Jacob's biblical highlight-reel includes a

04:19

trippy dream while traveling to find a wife, he has a vision of a ladder.

04:23

Remeber Jacob's Ladder? A stairway to heaven if you will,

04:26

was Led Zep around back then? Maybe.. He sees messengers of God going up and down the [Jacob dreams of a ladder and flying Led Zep members]

04:31

stairway then he hears God say "Kenan will be yours" And so it comes to pass.

04:37

I'm really glad my dreams don't come true or that would be way too much slow motion

04:41

running away from clowns for my taste. Anyway Jacob renames Kenan Bethel, which [Cecil running away from clowns with balloons]

04:47

means house of God well gods like, I want to rename things too, and he re dubs

04:52

Jacob, Israel and now our story shifts to Jacobs favorite son Joseph and honestly

04:58

there's a whole musical about this featuring a long-haired Donny Osmond.

05:02

Not sure if I can top that so no hard feelings if you stop the video now. No? Alright..

05:06

Well so Joe's brothers are super jealous that he's the favorite and prank him by

05:11

stealing his coat and selling him to some dudes headed for Egypt. Kinda like a slave.. [Josephs brothers try to sell him and offer a 'I Love Mom' mug as part of the deal]

05:17

Prank him yeah.. Pretty sure that's actually just illegal, but you know boys will be boys.

05:21

Anyway they dipped Joe's coat in blood and show it to Jacob to convince

05:26

him that yep dear old Joe is dearly departed Joe. As for what actually

05:31

happened well they have him sold to the Pharaohs head bodyguard whose wife tries

05:35

to seduce him. Joes not having any part of it and she gets angry so she claims [Joseph backs away]

05:40

he tried to rape her even though Joe did no such thing it's off to jail for him but

05:45

here's the plot twist we've all been waiting for. Joe has prophetic dream so

05:51

the Pharaoh drops by to pay him a visit and is like, can you tell me what that

05:54

showing up to class naked dream means oh and can you take a crack at this one [Pharaoh stood naked in front of classmates]

06:00

while Joe listens to the dream patiently which is impressive enough as it is

06:04

nothing is more boring than someone telling you a long dream well you really

06:09

want is your game of thrones box set back, Jerry! Right well Joe tells

06:14

Pharaoh that Egypt will have seven years of abundance followed by seven

06:18

years of famine, he advises Egypt to get a manager for the impending food boom and doom.

06:23

Well Pharaoh was super impressed and gives Joseph a job working for him [Joseph by the Pharaoh's side]

06:27

though he would still like to know what that underwear dream means.

06:31

And wouldn't you know it famine hits. People come in need of food among those people

06:36

well Joseph's brothers who in another great plot twist don't recognize him, man

06:42

this could be an episode of scandal or something. So Joseph sees an opportunity [Cecil at the White House press room]

06:45

to get even he calls them spies and locks one up but then he's like "Nah, I'm just

06:51

kidding surprise it's me Joseph" and he lets them return home with food which

06:55

just proves Joseph might be the nicest tamest guy around they literally sold him

07:00

into slavery and he just goes "hey wouldn't it be funny if I pretended to [Joseph being sent to Egypt in a cage]

07:04

lock one of them up for a hot second and gave them food and money and even though

07:08

they basically left me for dead sent them home?" Yep seriously, nicest guy in the

07:13

world award. So Joseph is reunited with his brothers and his Pops and they're all

07:18

a happy family again and with that we can finally close the book on Genesis. Be

07:22

sure to join me next time when we check out Exodus, until then I'm Cecil B deShmoop

07:27

and I'm not as nice as Joseph, I'm getting that box set back Jerry. You [Cecil with a balaclava on about to break into a house]

07:31

You watch your back there..

Full Transcript