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The Bible: Exodus 13006 Views


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Description:

Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously... He's walked up Mount Sinai twice with those toeses, and trust us, they don't smell like flowers.

Language:
English Language

Transcript

00:04

Shmoop in the Bible - Exodus... Hey all I'm Cecil B. DeShmoop, sometimes [Cecil waving]

00:10

I write paramount asking for royalty checks today we're talking about Exodus

00:15

the second book in the Old Testament Exodus picks up right where Genesis left

00:19

off with the Israelites hanging out in Egypt multiplying nudge nudge wink wink [God nudging and winking at an Israelite]

00:24

So as you might assume from the multiplying things were going well in

00:29

Egypt, until this new Pharaoh comes to power and we're assuming with great

00:33

power comes great responsibility he's afraid he'd never heard before because [Spiderman casts a web]

00:37

his first act of pharaoh-ing, immediately enslave all the Israelites you know my

00:42

first act would be like good let's have a sandcastle competition well [People making sandcastles]

00:46

what do I know anywho so shall it be written so shall it be done right well

00:52

after it's done Pharaoh was like you know that was a good start but what we

00:56

really need is a good sandcastle competition okay so that might be

01:00

wishful thinking he actually gets super paranoid that there are still too many [Pharaoh peeking behind a bush]

01:03

Israelites and orders all Egyptians to help kill all male Israelite babies, mean

01:10

they literally lived in a sandbox our sandcastle is not their number one

01:14

priority come on people anyway so Pharaoh's terrible idea goes into effect

01:18

and understandably families weren't keen on sitting idly by while their children [Family travelling on camels]

01:23

were killed which is why one Hebrew woman puts her baby boy into a basket

01:27

stick him in the river and asked his sister Miriam to you know keep an eye on [Sister puts baby in the river]

01:31

him and wouldn't you know it of all the rivers and all the towns in all the

01:35

world the Pharaoh's daughter had to bathe in the Nile well she spots the

01:39

basket opens it up and it's like well this is way better than childhood and

01:44

decide to you know keep him that's when clever Miriam pops out of the wreathes and [Miriam appears from field]

01:49

it's like hey oh I just happen to be taking a river stroll as you do and I

01:54

noticed you found this baby and I just happen to know a woman who could

01:59

breastfeed him for you also yeah I heard how weird that entire sentence was no

02:04

means to linger on it - so you want a human milk machine or what well

02:09

Pharaoh's daughter is like i'm going to ignore how uncomfortable this entire

02:13

situation is and just go with yes... so the wee lads mom is reunited with her [Mom mothering her child]

02:18

precious until well well runs dry from their pharaoh's daughter takes the baby

02:22

and then raises him as her own she names him what's her name...oh yeah, Moses

02:27

which means that I took him from the water...

02:31

well Moses grows up knowing in his gut that he's a Hebrew which is

02:35

impressive all I ever know and my gut is when I want a burrito don't I get a book [Cecil standing at a burrito stand]

02:40

in the Bible for that maybe not anyway one day while out on a stroll Moses sees

02:44

an Egyptian beating up a Hebrew well he's not okay with that so he tells the [Egyptian man beating up a Hebrew man]

02:48

Egyptian to stop by way of killing him so maybe don't invite Moses to next

02:53

board game night...well, later Moses comes

02:58

across two Hebrews fighting..after he breaks them up one of them says hey buddy

03:01

who made you our judge and ruler you're going to kill me like you killed the [Moses standing between two hebrew men]

03:05

Egyptian while Moses totally freaked out because he's been spotted murdering the

03:09

guy which you know understandable so Moses books it and all of Egypt's avid

03:15

board game players breathe a sigh of relief well fugitive Moses settled down [Moses taking a headshot]

03:19

in Midian and starts himself a family ...well one day while hurting a

03:24

flock of sheep by Mount Horeb Moses comes across a burning bush and while [Moses walks and a burning bush appears]

03:30

everything about this magical bush screams David Blaine surprise that's

03:34

actually God... yes he was taking a break from his biggest show....

03:39

Well, burning bush explains to Moses that God is back to free the [Sheep staring at a burning bush]

03:43

Israelites from Egypt, it's up to Moses to lead him and to ensure the good folks

03:47

back home will believe him God gives Moses three miracles to perform while

03:52

his staff can now turn into a snake and back which be honest would freak me out and [Moses swings staff and staff becomes a snake]

04:02

well his hand can cure lepers and water he takes from the Nile can be turned

04:07

into blood okay I get that snakes and blood make a pretty big statement but

04:11

honestly I bet Moses would have turned heads with sloths and fruit punch too...

04:16

Anyway to make sure Moses won't go screwing up his divine plans God appoinst Moses'

04:20

brother - Aaron to speak for him someone forgot to give Charlton Heston that memo [Charlton Heston stands up and sits back down]

04:25

So Moses and Aaron schmooze with the smooth talkers and dazzle with tricks

04:30

and they crush it I bet God called in and was like hey you want to open for me [God talking on a cell phone]

04:35

in Vegas so post-show Moses and Aaron decide to test the waters and politely ask

04:41

Pharaoh if he can set the slaves free Pharaoh was like ah what no, no! do that

04:47

cool scarf trick again so Aaron and Moses are like okay no more Mr. nice

04:52

musician and decide to break out the miracles... well Aaron turns his staff into

04:57

a snake but the Egyptian priests yawn and do the same not to be outdone

05:00

Aaron snake one up the other snakes by eating them all and Pharaohs still like

05:05

okay whatever would have been cooler if it was a sloth but I'm still not [Pharaoh watching Aaron's snake eating]

05:09

letting your people go

05:16

So Moses unleashes plague numero uno the water of the Nile [Water of Nile turns red]

05:20

turns to blood killing all the fish next up to bat play deux - release the frogs an

05:25

army of frogs hop into Egypt but once again the Egyptian priests can replicate those

05:30

plagues so Pharaoh isn't impressed and kinda wonder what all the Egyptians were

05:33

thinking at this point like okay so thanks for showing us sir you can

05:37

recreate it but so did you really have to wasn't one army of bloody frogs

05:41

enough anyway eight plagues follow, an infestation of gnats then flies then [Flies flying over Egypt]

05:46

disease that wiped out all livestock, boils that cover Egyptians bodies raining hail

05:51

fire yep, rains down on Egypt well not great for the Egyptians but you got to

05:56

imagine it was a heck of a story for the Egyptian meteorologist on channel 4 [Channel 4 Egyptian meterologist]

06:01

well back to the plagues a flood of locusts sweeps in and devours everything

06:05

in sight next God covers Egypt in a darkness so dark it can literally be [God switches light off and Egypt is in darkness]

06:10

felt and I'm assuming that means more than just stepping on

06:14

juniors legos in the dark and for God's tenth and final plague well he kills

06:18

every first born in Egypt... between the male Israelite babies and

06:22

this it was not a great time to get pregnant in Egypt well it's finally knocks

06:27

some sense in his pharaoh and he decides it's time for Moses and his people to [Pharaoh orders Moses away]

06:30

pack their bags and leave but because Pharaoh never seems to know when enough

06:34

is enough he has a last-minute change of heart rounds up six hundred chariots and

06:38

rides off after Moses and his posse of hundreds of thousands, somehow this

06:42

tiny army scares Moses people who knows maybe the horses were really big and [Horses chasing Moses]

06:46

when Pharaoh finally corners Moses, Moses knows he's going to have to dig deep to

06:50

make it out of this one unscathed well channeling God, Moses raised his hand and

06:55

like a scene out of a movie parts the Red Sea.. An epic slow-mo, the[Moses raises arms and the red sea parts]

07:01

Israelites cross safely but Pharaoh isn't so lucky the sea closes on him

07:05

drowning all the Egyptians, the Israelites crossed the Red Sea safely but now have

07:10

to survive the desert well god helps with food problem raining down a flaky [God pouring down a flaky substance in the desert]

07:14

substance that sounds more like dandruff than food it's called manna and with

07:19

God's instructions they live off it for 40 years...which

07:23

parting of the Red Sea was impressive and all but living off the same dandruff [Israelites in the desert eating manna]

07:27

food 40 years, that's the real miracle in this story people anywho

07:30

Moses is starting to realize that as soon as the Israelites get something

07:34

they complain and ask for more... Well, you know

07:38

boo-hoo, we want freedom we need to to live, wahh water too... Such [Israelites demanding food and water]

07:44

crazy demands it never ends with these guys well God had enough so he points a

07:49

rock out to Moses, Moses hits it with a staff and boom water well presumably the [Moses strikes rock with staff]

07:54

Israelites were like okay cool but could we get some Diet Coke up here like oh

07:59

can you try hitting that rock? well after three months of endless complaining in

08:02

the desert Moses climbs mount Sinai to talk a law with God interesting way to

08:07

relax their Moses.. So God gives Moses the Ten Commandments..No God's beside

08:12

me, no idols, no saying God's name in vain not even during playoff baseball

08:16

don't work seven days a week, work six got to keep seventh day holy y'all.. honor your [God issuing his commandments]

08:21

mom and pop should go without saying but don't murder people, no adultery, no

08:26

stealing, no lying and finally 10 no being jealous not even during playoff baseball

08:30

well after the Big Ten comes more law yawn but there's one Jim law still

08:36

quoted today the eye-for-an-eye principle oldie but goodie anyway while [Two men wearing eye patches staring at each other]

08:41

Moses earns his law degree from Professor God..Aaron is breaking the law

08:44

letting Israelites worship a golden calf which if we remember our commandment is

08:49

number two on the list idolatry - Moses is like I leave you guys alone for five

08:55

minutes and he's so shocked he smashes the Ten Commandment tablet - Well god

08:59

plagues the golden calf worshiping traders to remind them that he's the [God casting a plague]

09:02

creator and that he likes plagues and Moses hikes back up to God to go over

09:06

all those laws again because well hey exercise gives you endorphins.. Well Moses

09:10

returns with a face so shiny he has the dawn avail to stop for wreaking everyone [Moses appears with a shiny face]

09:15

out well well what do you know a nature walk and holy talk clears the mind and complexion

09:19

Exodus ends with a very detailed blueprint of Gods tabernacle drawn up by

09:23

an Israelite builder and Moses with floor plans by God himself hey this

09:27

tabernacle special because it holds the Ark of the Covenant which you'll see

09:30

someday many years later in Raiders of the Lost Ark and come on why wouldn't

09:34

you end such an action-packed book on a blueprint? ...No commandment [God scribbling the commandments]

09:38

against gentle sarcasm there is there yeah right God and that about wraps it

09:42

up, I'm Cecil B. DeShmoop and I'm going to end this action-packed video

09:45

with this wild and crazy blueprint yep hey I learned from the best [Cecil holding up a blueprint and God appears in a car]

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