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The Bible: Exodus 13006 Views
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Description:
Moses supposes his toeses are roses, but Moses supposes erroneously... He's walked up Mount Sinai twice with those toeses, and trust us, they don't smell like flowers.
Transcript
- 00:04
Shmoop in the Bible - Exodus... Hey all I'm Cecil B. DeShmoop, sometimes [Cecil waving]
- 00:10
I write paramount asking for royalty checks today we're talking about Exodus
- 00:15
the second book in the Old Testament Exodus picks up right where Genesis left
- 00:19
off with the Israelites hanging out in Egypt multiplying nudge nudge wink wink [God nudging and winking at an Israelite]
- 00:24
So as you might assume from the multiplying things were going well in
Full Transcript
- 00:29
Egypt, until this new Pharaoh comes to power and we're assuming with great
- 00:33
power comes great responsibility he's afraid he'd never heard before because [Spiderman casts a web]
- 00:37
his first act of pharaoh-ing, immediately enslave all the Israelites you know my
- 00:42
first act would be like good let's have a sandcastle competition well [People making sandcastles]
- 00:46
what do I know anywho so shall it be written so shall it be done right well
- 00:52
after it's done Pharaoh was like you know that was a good start but what we
- 00:56
really need is a good sandcastle competition okay so that might be
- 01:00
wishful thinking he actually gets super paranoid that there are still too many [Pharaoh peeking behind a bush]
- 01:03
Israelites and orders all Egyptians to help kill all male Israelite babies, mean
- 01:10
they literally lived in a sandbox our sandcastle is not their number one
- 01:14
priority come on people anyway so Pharaoh's terrible idea goes into effect
- 01:18
and understandably families weren't keen on sitting idly by while their children [Family travelling on camels]
- 01:23
were killed which is why one Hebrew woman puts her baby boy into a basket
- 01:27
stick him in the river and asked his sister Miriam to you know keep an eye on [Sister puts baby in the river]
- 01:31
him and wouldn't you know it of all the rivers and all the towns in all the
- 01:35
world the Pharaoh's daughter had to bathe in the Nile well she spots the
- 01:39
basket opens it up and it's like well this is way better than childhood and
- 01:44
decide to you know keep him that's when clever Miriam pops out of the wreathes and [Miriam appears from field]
- 01:49
it's like hey oh I just happen to be taking a river stroll as you do and I
- 01:54
noticed you found this baby and I just happen to know a woman who could
- 01:59
breastfeed him for you also yeah I heard how weird that entire sentence was no
- 02:04
means to linger on it - so you want a human milk machine or what well
- 02:09
Pharaoh's daughter is like i'm going to ignore how uncomfortable this entire
- 02:13
situation is and just go with yes... so the wee lads mom is reunited with her [Mom mothering her child]
- 02:18
precious until well well runs dry from their pharaoh's daughter takes the baby
- 02:22
and then raises him as her own she names him what's her name...oh yeah, Moses
- 02:27
which means that I took him from the water...
- 02:31
well Moses grows up knowing in his gut that he's a Hebrew which is
- 02:35
impressive all I ever know and my gut is when I want a burrito don't I get a book [Cecil standing at a burrito stand]
- 02:40
in the Bible for that maybe not anyway one day while out on a stroll Moses sees
- 02:44
an Egyptian beating up a Hebrew well he's not okay with that so he tells the [Egyptian man beating up a Hebrew man]
- 02:48
Egyptian to stop by way of killing him so maybe don't invite Moses to next
- 02:53
board game night...well, later Moses comes
- 02:58
across two Hebrews fighting..after he breaks them up one of them says hey buddy
- 03:01
who made you our judge and ruler you're going to kill me like you killed the [Moses standing between two hebrew men]
- 03:05
Egyptian while Moses totally freaked out because he's been spotted murdering the
- 03:09
guy which you know understandable so Moses books it and all of Egypt's avid
- 03:15
board game players breathe a sigh of relief well fugitive Moses settled down [Moses taking a headshot]
- 03:19
in Midian and starts himself a family ...well one day while hurting a
- 03:24
flock of sheep by Mount Horeb Moses comes across a burning bush and while [Moses walks and a burning bush appears]
- 03:30
everything about this magical bush screams David Blaine surprise that's
- 03:34
actually God... yes he was taking a break from his biggest show....
- 03:39
Well, burning bush explains to Moses that God is back to free the [Sheep staring at a burning bush]
- 03:43
Israelites from Egypt, it's up to Moses to lead him and to ensure the good folks
- 03:47
back home will believe him God gives Moses three miracles to perform while
- 03:52
his staff can now turn into a snake and back which be honest would freak me out and [Moses swings staff and staff becomes a snake]
- 04:02
well his hand can cure lepers and water he takes from the Nile can be turned
- 04:07
into blood okay I get that snakes and blood make a pretty big statement but
- 04:11
honestly I bet Moses would have turned heads with sloths and fruit punch too...
- 04:16
Anyway to make sure Moses won't go screwing up his divine plans God appoinst Moses'
- 04:20
brother - Aaron to speak for him someone forgot to give Charlton Heston that memo [Charlton Heston stands up and sits back down]
- 04:25
So Moses and Aaron schmooze with the smooth talkers and dazzle with tricks
- 04:30
and they crush it I bet God called in and was like hey you want to open for me [God talking on a cell phone]
- 04:35
in Vegas so post-show Moses and Aaron decide to test the waters and politely ask
- 04:41
Pharaoh if he can set the slaves free Pharaoh was like ah what no, no! do that
- 04:47
cool scarf trick again so Aaron and Moses are like okay no more Mr. nice
- 04:52
musician and decide to break out the miracles... well Aaron turns his staff into
- 04:57
a snake but the Egyptian priests yawn and do the same not to be outdone
- 05:00
Aaron snake one up the other snakes by eating them all and Pharaohs still like
- 05:05
okay whatever would have been cooler if it was a sloth but I'm still not [Pharaoh watching Aaron's snake eating]
- 05:09
letting your people go
- 05:16
So Moses unleashes plague numero uno the water of the Nile [Water of Nile turns red]
- 05:20
turns to blood killing all the fish next up to bat play deux - release the frogs an
- 05:25
army of frogs hop into Egypt but once again the Egyptian priests can replicate those
- 05:30
plagues so Pharaoh isn't impressed and kinda wonder what all the Egyptians were
- 05:33
thinking at this point like okay so thanks for showing us sir you can
- 05:37
recreate it but so did you really have to wasn't one army of bloody frogs
- 05:41
enough anyway eight plagues follow, an infestation of gnats then flies then [Flies flying over Egypt]
- 05:46
disease that wiped out all livestock, boils that cover Egyptians bodies raining hail
- 05:51
fire yep, rains down on Egypt well not great for the Egyptians but you got to
- 05:56
imagine it was a heck of a story for the Egyptian meteorologist on channel 4 [Channel 4 Egyptian meterologist]
- 06:01
well back to the plagues a flood of locusts sweeps in and devours everything
- 06:05
in sight next God covers Egypt in a darkness so dark it can literally be [God switches light off and Egypt is in darkness]
- 06:10
felt and I'm assuming that means more than just stepping on
- 06:14
juniors legos in the dark and for God's tenth and final plague well he kills
- 06:18
every first born in Egypt... between the male Israelite babies and
- 06:22
this it was not a great time to get pregnant in Egypt well it's finally knocks
- 06:27
some sense in his pharaoh and he decides it's time for Moses and his people to [Pharaoh orders Moses away]
- 06:30
pack their bags and leave but because Pharaoh never seems to know when enough
- 06:34
is enough he has a last-minute change of heart rounds up six hundred chariots and
- 06:38
rides off after Moses and his posse of hundreds of thousands, somehow this
- 06:42
tiny army scares Moses people who knows maybe the horses were really big and [Horses chasing Moses]
- 06:46
when Pharaoh finally corners Moses, Moses knows he's going to have to dig deep to
- 06:50
make it out of this one unscathed well channeling God, Moses raised his hand and
- 06:55
like a scene out of a movie parts the Red Sea.. An epic slow-mo, the[Moses raises arms and the red sea parts]
- 07:01
Israelites cross safely but Pharaoh isn't so lucky the sea closes on him
- 07:05
drowning all the Egyptians, the Israelites crossed the Red Sea safely but now have
- 07:10
to survive the desert well god helps with food problem raining down a flaky [God pouring down a flaky substance in the desert]
- 07:14
substance that sounds more like dandruff than food it's called manna and with
- 07:19
God's instructions they live off it for 40 years...which
- 07:23
parting of the Red Sea was impressive and all but living off the same dandruff [Israelites in the desert eating manna]
- 07:27
food 40 years, that's the real miracle in this story people anywho
- 07:30
Moses is starting to realize that as soon as the Israelites get something
- 07:34
they complain and ask for more... Well, you know
- 07:38
boo-hoo, we want freedom we need to to live, wahh water too... Such [Israelites demanding food and water]
- 07:44
crazy demands it never ends with these guys well God had enough so he points a
- 07:49
rock out to Moses, Moses hits it with a staff and boom water well presumably the [Moses strikes rock with staff]
- 07:54
Israelites were like okay cool but could we get some Diet Coke up here like oh
- 07:59
can you try hitting that rock? well after three months of endless complaining in
- 08:02
the desert Moses climbs mount Sinai to talk a law with God interesting way to
- 08:07
relax their Moses.. So God gives Moses the Ten Commandments..No God's beside
- 08:12
me, no idols, no saying God's name in vain not even during playoff baseball
- 08:16
don't work seven days a week, work six got to keep seventh day holy y'all.. honor your [God issuing his commandments]
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mom and pop should go without saying but don't murder people, no adultery, no
- 08:26
stealing, no lying and finally 10 no being jealous not even during playoff baseball
- 08:30
well after the Big Ten comes more law yawn but there's one Jim law still
- 08:36
quoted today the eye-for-an-eye principle oldie but goodie anyway while [Two men wearing eye patches staring at each other]
- 08:41
Moses earns his law degree from Professor God..Aaron is breaking the law
- 08:44
letting Israelites worship a golden calf which if we remember our commandment is
- 08:49
number two on the list idolatry - Moses is like I leave you guys alone for five
- 08:55
minutes and he's so shocked he smashes the Ten Commandment tablet - Well god
- 08:59
plagues the golden calf worshiping traders to remind them that he's the [God casting a plague]
- 09:02
creator and that he likes plagues and Moses hikes back up to God to go over
- 09:06
all those laws again because well hey exercise gives you endorphins.. Well Moses
- 09:10
returns with a face so shiny he has the dawn avail to stop for wreaking everyone [Moses appears with a shiny face]
- 09:15
out well well what do you know a nature walk and holy talk clears the mind and complexion
- 09:19
Exodus ends with a very detailed blueprint of Gods tabernacle drawn up by
- 09:23
an Israelite builder and Moses with floor plans by God himself hey this
- 09:27
tabernacle special because it holds the Ark of the Covenant which you'll see
- 09:30
someday many years later in Raiders of the Lost Ark and come on why wouldn't
- 09:34
you end such an action-packed book on a blueprint? ...No commandment [God scribbling the commandments]
- 09:38
against gentle sarcasm there is there yeah right God and that about wraps it
- 09:42
up, I'm Cecil B. DeShmoop and I'm going to end this action-packed video
- 09:45
with this wild and crazy blueprint yep hey I learned from the best [Cecil holding up a blueprint and God appears in a car]
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