Quote 40
In the beginning, she had haunted me, haunted my dreams, but even now, just weeks later, she was slipping away, falling apart in my memory and everyone else's, dying again. (51after.4)
There's a great deal of truth in Miles's thoughts here. Alaska already physically died, so what exactly is dying now? Will she, or anyone, ever truly die?
Quote 41
I was left to ask, Did I help you toward a fate you didn't want, Alaska, or did I just assist in your willful self-destruction? Because they are different crimes, and I didn't know whether to feel angry at her for making me part of her suicide or just to feel angry at myself for letting her go. (118after.1)
Emotions surrounding death and our mortality are complicated, to say the least. Miles wants to clarify his emotions, but they're inherently tied to the responsibility he feels about Alaska's death. The whole thing is an unholy mess… just like it usually is.
Quote 42
And POOF we are through the moment of her death. We are driving through the place that she could not drive through, passing onto asphalt she never saw, and we are not dead. We are not dead! (118after.17)
Miles and the Colonel drive through the scene of Alaska's death and experience the joy and elation of living. It's hard to think that they might experience this contrast, especially thinking about the emotions Alaska might have felt as she died. How does joy relate to mortality?