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What Voice Should I Use in My College Application Essay? a la Shmoop.

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Before you know it, high school will be a distant memory…

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…and you’re going to want to follow it up by moving on to a quality institution of

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higher education. Of which your Uncle Morty’s house does not

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alas qualify. No matter how much he thinks he knows. About everything.

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This is not your everyday, run-of-the-mill persuasive essay.

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Yes, you are trying to be persuasive… …but in this case you’re not trying to

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form a clever argument. Instead, it’s your chance to present a true

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portrait of who you are, and allow the admissions officers to simply revel in your awesomeness.

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So, because you are basically just telling a story about yourself…

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…you can use a narrative voice. In other words, you can write in first person.

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So… say you want to tell a prospective college about the time you rehomed puppies who lost

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their homes in the tsunami.

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How could they not fall head over heels for you after hearing about that one?

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Here’s what you don’t want to say…

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“I will be a great asset to your school because I learned the value of hard work and

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gained compassion by helping puppies in Japan.”

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While it’s a nice sentiment, and the admissions office is probably thrilled to hear you weren’t

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spending your time in Japan making Schnauzer tempura…

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…they’re likely going to gag on a sentence like that one.

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Rather, tell them the story of your puppy-saving mission, and let the work you did speak for

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itself.

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“The work was hard, and at the end of each day I would spend twenty to thirty minutes

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just pulling splinters out of my hands and feet. I was exhausted – but each time I

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would uncover a still-breathing puppy under a pile of rubble, I was reminded of the importance

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of my mission.”

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Still gets the point across, but… not quite as self-serving.

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Because your Japanese tsunami adventure is your story…

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…make sure to tell it as… yourself. You’re not your parents, a college graduate

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of a literature professor, so put down the thesaurus and speak in your own voice.

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If you wouldn’t say it, don’t write it.

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Schools want to know who you are. At least… they think they do…

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So… just ask yourself how much you’d want to read a sentence like this one:

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“Through this excursion into the depths of human pain and suffering, I saw firsthand

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the devastating effects of unfettered economic development spurred on by capitalistic and

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laissez-faire ambition."

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It’s lines like that for which the term “ugh” was invented.

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Instead, how about:

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“After the tsunami, the sprawling coastal development which once housed thousands of

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people was reduced to twisted metal, splintered wood, and lonesome teddy bears.”

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Sounds less like you’re trying to impress with your vocabulary, and more like you just

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want your reader to see… what you saw.

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Plus, you sound more like an intelligent, thoughtful 18-year-old and less like a pompous

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old fart who’s trying much too hard. Don’t fall into the McEssay crowd… a term

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coined by University of Virginia admissions officer Park Muth<<mooth>>.

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No, it’s not an antlered beast you’d find in Yellowstone, it’s just the guy’s name.

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Anyway, he saw his fair share of application essays in that time, and his name for the

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more mundane ones was “McEssay.”

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You don’t want to write one. Or you’re going to make the reader… McSad.

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There may be other applicants with puppy-saving stories… which doesn’t make your story

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unimportant, but it does mean that you need to present your story in an interesting and

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vivid way.

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To do that… show, don’t tell. Paint a picture.

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So none of this:

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“Although I was just one person in a crowd of many, I really felt like I made a difference

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in the lives of those affected by the tsunami.”

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Who cares? It’s an obvious point, a little cheesy, and something that any other applicant

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could say. Instead, lay it all out there and let the

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reader form their own opinions, and don’t demand that they feel any particular emotion…

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“Elbow to elbow with a hundred other aid workers, we slowly shuffled our way across

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the thrashed coastline, literally picking up the pieces of other peoples' lives. A tea

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set here, a porch swing there, and of course, plenty of helpless puppies.”

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Above all, don’t be afraid to be yourself.

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You are a unique individual, and there’s a college out there that’s just itching

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to hear from you.

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Not “Arthur Hornswallow,” your brilliant alter ego… you.

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All right, that’s all you need to hear from us.

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Go get ‘em, Tiger.

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