"Gentlemen, I wish the money was there, for I ain't got no disposition to throw anything in the way of a fair, open, out-and-out investigation o' this misable business; but, alas, the money ain't there; you k'n send and see, if you want to."

"Where is it, then?"

"Well, when my niece give it to me to keep for her I took and hid it inside o' the straw tick o' my bed, not wishin' to bank it for the few days we'd be here, and considerin' the bed a safe place, we not bein' used to n*****s, and suppos'n' 'em honest, like servants in England.  The n*****s stole it the very next mornin' after I had went down stairs; and when I sold 'em I hadn't missed the money yit, so they got clean away with it.  My servant here k'n tell you 'bout it, gentlemen."

The doctor and several said "Shucks!" and I see nobody didn't altogether believe him.  One man asked me if I see the n*****s steal it.  I said no, but I see them sneaking out of the room and hustling away, and I never thought nothing, only I reckoned they was afraid they had waked up my master and was trying to get away before he made trouble with them.  That was all they asked me.  Then the doctor whirls on me and says:

"Are _you_ English, too?"

I says yes; and him and some others laughed, and said, "Stuff!"

Well, then they sailed in on the general investigation, and there we had it, up and down, hour in, hour out, and nobody never said a word about supper, nor ever seemed to think about it—and so they kept it up, and kept it up; and it _was_ the worst mixed-up thing you ever see.  They made the king tell his yarn, and they made the old gentleman tell his'n; and anybody but a lot of prejudiced chuckleheads would a _seen_ that the old gentleman was spinning truth and t'other one lies.  And by and by they had me up to tell what I knowed.  The king he give me a left-handed look out of the corner of his eye, and so I knowed enough to talk on the right side.  I begun to tell about Sheffield, and how we lived there, and all about the English Wilkses, and so on; but I didn't get pretty fur till the doctor begun to laugh; and Levi Bell, the lawyer, says:

"Set down, my boy; I wouldn't strain myself if I was you.  I reckon you ain't used to lying, it don't seem to come handy; what you want is practice.  You do it pretty awkward."

I didn't care nothing for the compliment, but I was glad to be let off, anyway.