You're a lawyer for the legal firm of Starving, Bankrupt, and Alone. Guess you shouldn't have cheated on the bar. Probably also would've been nice if you'd made a few friends.

You're a private-practice lawyer who's still struggling, trying to rein in clients, and get your firm off the ground. We have to say, though—hooking your office up to a hot-air balloon? Probably not the best way to go about it.

You're a long-established private practice lawyer making sweet bank. Your life is perfect; you just wish you didn't feel so hollow inside.

You've been employed by a major firm in a major city. You've got your own office on the thirty-fourth floor. Your star is on the rise, as is your furniture.

You successfully represented Drew Carey in his murder case. You're an instant celebrity and are universally admired for your efforts. Everyone knows that sweet, friendly tub of smiles couldn't have done it.