Assistant School Counselor. Salary: $40,000 or less 

As you walk the halls of your old high school/new work place, you slap fives and tens with every kid you pass. You remember how much you loved it here. When you get to the counselor's office, your mood shifts as the head counselor breaks the news: you've got detention (duty) after school. Aww man, now you remember you much you hated it here.

Novice School Psychologist. Salary: $55,000 

As you look around your crowded office, you marvel at how successful your share-your-problems-for-free-ice-cream program was. Stepping out into the hallway to see how many more students are trying to cram in, your head almost explodes. You see the line stretching all the way outside into the baseball field. And you're pretty sure at least 20% are teachers.

Experienced School Psychologist. Salary: $70,000 

As you're discussing little Jimmy Johnson's violent, unprovoked outbursts with Mr. and Mrs. Johnson, your School-Psych Spidey-Senses kick in and you duck to your left. The bonsai tree that had been on your desk smashes on the wall behind where your head just was. Shooting a hard look towards Jimmy, you're surprised when Mrs. Johnson says, "Sorry, I do that sometimes. You were saying?"

Private School Psychologist. Salary: $85,000 

Presenting your findings to the prest-eeeee-gious school's Board of Regents, you make a clear, concise, and well-researched presentation about eliminating the school's rigid uniform guidelines will actually improve learning. After a few seconds of silence, the board members erupt in uproarious laughter. "How," they ask, "will everyone know how prest-eeeee-gious we are if we don't make our students look like we are?"

University Researcher. Salary: $100,000 

While giving a presentation on the large dry erase board, you're startled by a noise coming from midway up the sparsely-filled lecture hall. You turn to see two mid-twenties adults arguing over a notebook. When you ask what the problem is, each replies "He started it." You then offer each of them twenty bucks if they'll clam up and see you after class to assist in a "research project." They oblige, sitting quietly for the remainder of your lecture. Hey, it's not bribery if it's for science. Einstein said that...probably.