You're a physical anthropologist, and until a few minutes ago you were studying the remains found at an archaeological dig...but you just fell in a big hole and no one seems to be around to hear your cries. Ruh-roh.

You're a fledgling linguistic anthropologist who has been assigned to a small team that is studying the evolution of certain Latin words and phrases into their English counterparts. Your work goes on ad nauseum.

You're a biological anthropologist who teaches at a large university. It usually takes the first semester just to get your students to understand what biological anthropology is.

You're a sociocultural anthropologist who's been employed by the government to research inner city conditions. You're well-paid and the work keeps you on your feet, but it also keeps you on your toes.

As a result of your groundbreaking research, you have proven without a doubt that Jesus was black, gay, and double-jointed. That should finally silence the Christian right.