Enter Lucio and two other Gentlemen. LUCIO
If the Duke, with the other dukes, come not to
composition with the King of Hungary, why then all
the dukes fall upon the King. FIRST GENTLEMAN Heaven grant us its peace, but not
the King of Hungary’s! 5 SECOND GENTLEMAN
Amen. LUCIO
Thou conclud’st like the sanctimonious pirate
that went to sea with the ten commandments but
scraped one out of the table. SECOND GENTLEMAN
“Thou shalt not steal”? 10 LUCIO
Ay, that he razed. FIRST GENTLEMAN
Why, ’twas a commandment to command
the Captain and all the rest from their functions!
They put forth to steal. There’s not a soldier of
us all that in the thanksgiving before meat do relish 15
the petition well that prays for peace. SECOND GENTLEMAN
I never heard any soldier dislike it. LUCIO
I believe thee, for I think thou never wast where
grace was said. SECOND GENTLEMAN
No? A dozen times at least. 20 FIRST GENTLEMAN
What? In meter? LUCIO
In any proportion or in any language. FIRST GENTLEMAN
I think, or in any religion. LUCIO
Ay, why not? Grace is grace, despite of all
controversy; as, for example, thou thyself art a 25
wicked villain, despite of all grace. FIRST GENTLEMAN
Well, there went but a pair of shears
between us. LUCIO
I grant, as there may between the lists and the
velvet. Thou art the list. 30 FIRST GENTLEMAN
And thou the velvet. Thou art good
velvet; thou ’rt a three-piled piece, I warrant thee. I
had as lief be a list of an English kersey as be piled,
as thou art piled, for a French velvet. Do I speak
feelingly now? 35 LUCIO
I think thou dost, and indeed with most painful
feeling of thy speech. I will, out of thine own
confession, learn to begin thy health, but, whilst I
live, forget to drink after thee. FIRST GENTLEMAN
I think I have done myself wrong, 40
have I not? SECOND GENTLEMAN
Yes, that thou hast, whether thou
art tainted or free. | In a public place in Vienna, Lucio and two Gentlemen talk about world politics. It seems the Duke is conducting peace talks with the King of Hungary. The gentlemen aren't thrilled about this because they are soldiers and they make their living by war—not peace. Their talk quickly turns lowbrow as they trade lighthearted insults about which one of them may or may not have syphilis. |
Enter Mistress Overdone, a Bawd. LUCIO
Behold, behold, where Madam Mitigation
comes! I have purchased as many diseases under 45
her roof as come to— SECOND GENTLEMAN
To what, I pray? LUCIO
Judge. SECOND GENTLEMAN
To three thousand dolors a year. FIRST GENTLEMAN
Ay, and more. 50 LUCIO
A French crown more. FIRST GENTLEMAN Thou art always figuring diseases in
me, but thou art full of error. I am sound. LUCIO
Nay, not, as one would say, healthy, but so sound
as things that are hollow. Thy bones are hollow. 55
Impiety has made a feast of thee. FIRST GENTLEMAN, to Bawd
How now, which of your
hips has the most profound sciatica? BAWD
Well, well. There’s one yonder arrested and
carried to prison was worth five thousand of you all. 60 SECOND GENTLEMAN
Who’s that, I pray thee? BAWD
Marry, sir, that’s Claudio, Signior Claudio. FIRST GENTLEMAN
Claudio to prison? ’Tis not so. BAWD
Nay, but I know ’tis so. I saw him arrested, saw
him carried away; and, which is more, within these 65
three days his head to be chopped off. LUCIO
But, after all this fooling, I would not have it so!
Art thou sure of this? BAWD
I am too sure of it. And it is for getting Madam
Julietta with child. 70 LUCIO
Believe me, this may be. He promised to meet
me two hours since, and he was ever precise in
promise-keeping. SECOND GENTLEMAN
Besides, you know, it draws something
near to the speech we had to such a purpose. 75 FIRST GENTLEMAN
But most of all agreeing with the
proclamation. LUCIO
Away. Let’s go learn the truth of it. Lucio and Gentlemen exit. | Mistress Overdone, the local bawd (she runs a brothel) enters and Lucio says something like "Speaking of STDs, I've certainly paid for my share of venereal diseases at Mistress Overdone's business establishment." As more STD jokes ensue, Mistress Overdone spots a prisoner being paraded through the streets. She recognizes Claudio and brags how she saw him get arrested and knows for a fact that he's going to be sentenced to death (by decapitation) within three days. Overdone explains that Claudio's been busted for getting Julietta pregnant. Lucio and the Gentlemen run off to find out all the dirt. |
BAWD
Thus, what with the war, what with the sweat,
what with the gallows, and what with poverty, I am 80
custom-shrunk. Enter Pompey. How now? What’s the news with you? POMPEY
Yonder man is carried to prison. BAWD
Well, what has he done? POMPEY
A woman. 85 BAWD
But what’s his offense? POMPEY
Groping for trouts in a peculiar river. BAWD
What? Is there a maid with child by him? POMPEY
No, but there’s a woman with maid by him.
You have not heard of the proclamation, have you? 90 BAWD
What proclamation, man? POMPEY
All houses in the suburbs of Vienna must be
plucked down. BAWD
And what shall become of those in the city? POMPEY
They shall stand for seed. They had gone down 95
too, but that a wise burgher put in for them. BAWD
But shall all our houses of resort in the suburbs
be pulled down? POMPEY
To the ground, mistress. BAWD
Why, here’s a change indeed in the commonwealth! 100
What shall become of me? POMPEY
Come, fear not you. Good counselors lack no
clients. Though you change your place, you need
not change your trade. I’ll be your tapster still.
Courage. There will be pity taken on you. You that 105
have worn your eyes almost out in the service, you
will be considered. | Mistress Overdone complains that business at the brothel is slow, what with "the war," the bubonic plague, the lousy economy, and the rate at which her clients are being thrown in jail and all. There just aren't enough customers anymore. Pompey enters and announces there's more bad news for Mistress Overdone: Angelo has ordered that all the brothels in the suburbs of Vienna be torn down. We interrupt this program for a brain snack: In Shakespeare's England, most of the brothels were located in the "suburbs" because it was harder for the authorities to regulate them outside the city limits. In April of 1604, King James I ordered all the tenements and houses in the suburbs be torn down to prevent the spread of the plague, which killed 36,000 people in 1603 (source). When Overdone gets upset, Pompey tells her to calm down – she can always hire an attorney and, plus, she can move her business somewhere else and her clients will follow. Pompey makes a dirty joke about Mistress Overdone's many years of devoted "service" in the sex industry and tells her to cheer up. |
Enter Provost, Claudio, Juliet, and Officers. BAWD
What’s to do here, Thomas Tapster? Let’s
withdraw. POMPEY
Here comes Signior Claudio, led by the Provost 110
to prison. And there’s Madam Juliet. Bawd and Pompey exit. CLAUDIO, to Provost
Fellow, why dost thou show me thus to th’ world?
Bear me to prison, where I am committed. PROVOST
I do it not in evil disposition,
But from Lord Angelo by special charge. 115 CLAUDIO
Thus can the demigod Authority
Make us pay down for our offense, by weight,
The words of heaven: on whom it will, it will;
On whom it will not, so; yet still ’tis just. Enter Lucio and Second Gentleman. LUCIO
Why, how now, Claudio? Whence comes this 120
restraint? CLAUDIO
From too much liberty, my Lucio, liberty.
As surfeit is the father of much fast,
So every scope by the immoderate use
Turns to restraint. Our natures do pursue, 125
Like rats that raven down their proper bane,
A thirsty evil, and when we drink, we die. LUCIO
If I could speak so wisely under an arrest, I
would send for certain of my creditors. And yet, to
say the truth, I had as lief have the foppery of 130
freedom as the mortality of imprisonment. What’s
thy offense, Claudio? CLAUDIO
What but to speak of would offend again. LUCIO
What, is ’t murder? CLAUDIO
No. 135 LUCIO
Lechery? CLAUDIO
Call it so. PROVOST
Away, sir. You must go. CLAUDIO
One word, good friend.—Lucio, a word with you. LUCIO
A hundred, if they’ll do you any good. Is lechery 140
so looked after? CLAUDIO
Thus stands it with me: upon a true contract
I got possession of Julietta’s bed.
You know the lady. She is fast my wife,
Save that we do the denunciation lack 145
Of outward order. This we came not to
Only for propagation of a dower
Remaining in the coffer of her friends,
From whom we thought it meet to hide our love
Till time had made them for us. But it chances 150
The stealth of our most mutual entertainment
With character too gross is writ on Juliet. | Overdone and Pompey exit and the scene shifts to a conversation between Claudio and the Provost (a prison keeper). Claudio whines about being taken to prison and publicly humiliated. The provost says he's just doing his job. If Claudio wants to blame someone, he should blame Angelo, who's in charge while the Duke's away. Lucio arrives and asks what's up. Claudio says he's been arrested because he's a kind of glutton. He then goes on to compare having sex to drinking rat poison. Both activities, says Claudio, lead to death. (Yikes!) Once again, Lucio asks why Claudio has been arrested. Did Claudio murder someone, or what? Claudio says he went to bed with Juliet because she's pretty much his wife, although they haven't publicly declared their marriage yet. Brain Snack: In seventeenth-century England, a marriage contract was considered legal under common law if the bride and groom got together in front of witnesses and said "I marry you." But...it doesn't sound like Claudio and Juliet have done even this much yet. Claudio says they haven't yet had made a public announcement because they were waiting for Juliet's relatives to cough up a dowry. (Are you thinking what we're thinking? Claudio seems like a guy with a lot of excuses...) |
LUCIO
With child, perhaps? CLAUDIO Unhappily, even so.
And the new deputy now for the Duke— 155
Whether it be the fault and glimpse of newness,
Or whether that the body public be
A horse whereon the governor doth ride,
Who, newly in the seat, that it may know
He can command, lets it straight feel the spur; 160
Whether the tyranny be in his place
Or in his eminence that fills it up,
I stagger in—but this new governor
Awakes me all the enrollèd penalties
Which have, like unscoured armor, hung by th’ wall 165
So long that nineteen zodiacs have gone round,
And none of them been worn; and for a name
Now puts the drowsy and neglected act
Freshly on me. ’Tis surely for a name. LUCIO
I warrant it is. And thy head stands so tickle on 170
thy shoulders that a milkmaid, if she be in love, may
sigh it off. Send after the Duke and appeal to him. CLAUDIO
I have done so, but he’s not to be found.
I prithee, Lucio, do me this kind service:
This day my sister should the cloister enter 175
And there receive her approbation.
Acquaint her with the danger of my state;
Implore her, in my voice, that she make friends
To the strict deputy; bid herself assay him.
I have great hope in that, for in her youth 180
There is a prone and speechless dialect
Such as move men. Besides, she hath prosperous art
When she will play with reason and discourse,
And well she can persuade. LUCIO
I pray she may, as well for the encouragement of 185
the like, which else would stand under grievous
imposition, as for the enjoying of thy life, who I
would be sorry should be thus foolishly lost at a
game of tick-tack. I’ll to her. CLAUDIO
I thank you, good friend Lucio. 190 LUCIO
Within two hours. CLAUDIO
Come, officer, away. They exit. | Lucio correctly guesses that Juliet is pregnant. Claudio explains how it's illegal to fornicate (have sex outside of marriage) in Vienna, but, for the past several years, the Duke has never enforced this law. Claudio suggests that Angelo is just flexing his muscles because he's the new guy in charge. Lucio suggests petitioning the Duke but Claudio explains that the guy is nowhere to be found. Claudio sends Lucio find his (Claudio's) sister at the nunnery. She's about to become a "novice" (an almost-nun who is still in her probationary period). Claudio wants her to plead with Angelo on his behalf. If anyone can make Angelo change his mind, it's Claudio's virginal sister. |