Henry IV Part 1: Act 3, Scene 3 Translation

A side-by-side translation of Act 3, Scene 3 of Henry IV Part 1 from the original Shakespeare into modern English.

  Original Text

 Translated Text

  Source: Folger Shakespeare Library

Enter Falstaff and Bardolph.

FALSTAFF Bardolph, am I not fallen away vilely since
this last action? Do I not bate? Do I not dwindle?
Why, my skin hangs about me like an old lady’s
loose gown. I am withered like an old applejohn.
Well, I’ll repent, and that suddenly, while I am in 5
some liking. I shall be out of heart shortly, and then
I shall have no strength to repent. An I have not
forgotten what the inside of a church is made of, I
am a peppercorn, a brewer’s horse. The inside of a
church! Company, villainous company, hath been 10
the spoil of me.

BARDOLPH Sir John, you are so fretful you cannot live
long.

FALSTAFF Why, there is it. Come, sing me a bawdy
song, make me merry. I was as virtuously given as a 15
gentleman need to be, virtuous enough: swore
little; diced not above seven times—a week; went to
a bawdy house not above once in a quarter—of an
hour; paid money that I borrowed—three or four
times; lived well and in good compass; and now I 20
live out of all order, out of all compass.

BARDOLPH Why, you are so fat, Sir John, that you must
needs be out of all compass, out of all reasonable
compass, Sir John.

FALSTAFF Do thou amend thy face, and I’ll amend my 25
life. Thou art our admiral, thou bearest the lantern
in the poop, but ’tis in the nose of thee. Thou art the
Knight of the Burning Lamp.

BARDOLPH Why, Sir John, my face does you no harm.

FALSTAFF No, I’ll be sworn, I make as good use of it as 30
many a man doth of a death’s-head or a memento
mori. I never see thy face but I think upon hellfire
and Dives that lived in purple, for there he is in his
robes, burning, burning. If thou wert any way given
to virtue, I would swear by thy face. My oath should 35
be “By this fire, that’s God’s angel.” But thou art
altogether given over, and wert indeed, but for the
light in thy face, the son of utter darkness. When
thou ran’st up Gad’s Hill in the night to catch my
horse, if I did not think thou hadst been an ignis 40
fatuus, or a ball of wildfire, there’s no purchase in
money. O, thou art a perpetual triumph, an everlasting
bonfire-light. Thou hast saved me a thousand
marks in links and torches, walking with thee in the
night betwixt tavern and tavern, but the sack that 45
thou hast drunk me would have bought me lights as
good cheap at the dearest chandler’s in Europe. I
have maintained that salamander of yours with fire
any time this two-and-thirty years, God reward me
for it. 50

BARDOLPH ’Sblood, I would my face were in your
belly!

FALSTAFF Godamercy, so should I be sure to be
heartburned!

At the tavern in Eastcheap, Falstaff and Bardolph screw around in their usual way. Falstaff mockingly recounts his activities for the past week – he gambled no more than seven times, went to a brothel no more than once every fifteen minutes, and so on.

The trash talking continues.

How now, Dame Partlet the hen, have you enquired 55
yet who picked my pocket?

HOSTESS Why, Sir John, what do you think, Sir John,
do you think I keep thieves in my house? I have
searched, I have enquired, so has my husband,
man by man, boy by boy, servant by servant. 60
The tithe of a hair was never lost in my house
before.

FALSTAFF You lie, hostess. Bardolph was shaved and
lost many a hair, and I’ll be sworn my pocket was
picked. Go to, you are a woman, go. 65

HOSTESS Who, I? No, I defy thee! God’s light, I was
never called so in mine own house before.

FALSTAFF Go to, I know you well enough.

HOSTESS No, Sir John, you do not know me, Sir John. I
know you, Sir John. You owe me money, Sir John, 70
and now you pick a quarrel to beguile me of it. I
bought you a dozen of shirts to your back.

Mistress Quickly enters. Falstaff asks her if she found out who picked his pockets while he was "sleeping." When she says "no," Falstaff accuses her of lying.

Quickly and Falstaff argue. She accuses him of trying to worm his way out of paying back the money he owes her (she bought him some clothes and he's run up a huge tab at the tavern).

FALSTAFF Dowlas, filthy dowlas. I have given them
away to bakers’ wives; they have made bolters of
them. 75

HOSTESS Now, as I am a true woman, holland of eight
shillings an ell. You owe money here besides, Sir
John, for your diet and by-drinkings and money
lent you, four-and-twenty pound.

FALSTAFF, pointing to Bardolph He had his part of it. 80
Let him pay.

HOSTESS He? Alas, he is poor. He hath nothing.

FALSTAFF How, poor? Look upon his face. What call
you rich? Let them coin his nose. Let them coin his
cheeks. I’ll not pay a denier. What, will you make a 85
younker of me? Shall I not take mine ease in mine
inn but I shall have my pocket picked? I have lost a
seal ring of my grandfather’s worth forty mark.

HOSTESS, to Bardolph O Jesu, I have heard the Prince
tell him, I know not how oft, that that ring was 90
copper.

FALSTAFF How? The Prince is a jack, a sneak-up.
’Sblood, an he were here, I would cudgel him like a
dog if he would say so.

Falstaff refuses to pay and says his ring, a family heirloom, was stolen.

Quickly replies that even Prince Hal has told Falstaff the ring is worthless – it's made from copper. Falstaff begins to talk smack about Prince Hal, threatening to kick his butt if he were present.

Enter the Prince marching, with Peto, and Falstaff
meets him playing upon his truncheon like a fife.

How now, lad, is the wind in that door, i’ faith? Must 95
we all march?

BARDOLPH Yea, two and two, Newgate fashion.

HOSTESS, to Prince My lord, I pray you, hear me.

PRINCE What say’st thou, Mistress Quickly? How doth
thy husband? I love him well; he is an honest man. 100

HOSTESS Good my lord, hear me.

FALSTAFF Prithee, let her alone, and list to me.

PRINCE What say’st thou, Jack?

FALSTAFF The other night I fell asleep here, behind the
arras, and had my pocket picked. This house is 105
turned bawdy house; they pick pockets.

PRINCE What didst thou lose, Jack?

FALSTAFF Wilt thou believe me, Hal, three or four
bonds of forty pound apiece, and a seal ring of my
grandfather’s. 110

PRINCE A trifle, some eightpenny matter.

HOSTESS So I told him, my lord, and I said I heard
your Grace say so. And, my lord, he speaks most
vilely of you, like a foul-mouthed man, as he is, and
said he would cudgel you. 115

PRINCE What, he did not!

HOSTESS There’s neither faith, truth, nor womanhood
in me else.

FALSTAFF There’s no more faith in thee than in a
stewed prune, nor no more truth in thee than in a 120
drawn fox, and for womanhood, Maid Marian may
be the deputy’s wife of the ward to thee. Go, you
thing, go.

HOSTESS Say, what thing, what thing?

FALSTAFF What thing? Why, a thing to thank God on. 125

HOSTESS I am no thing to thank God on, I would thou
shouldst know it! I am an honest man’s wife, and,
setting thy knighthood aside, thou art a knave to
call me so.

FALSTAFF Setting thy womanhood aside, thou art a 130
beast to say otherwise.

HOSTESS Say, what beast, thou knave, thou?

FALSTAFF What beast? Why, an otter.

PRINCE An otter, Sir John. Why an otter?

FALSTAFF Why, she’s neither fish nor flesh; a man 135
knows not where to have her.

HOSTESS Thou art an unjust man in saying so. Thou or
any man knows where to have me, thou knave,
thou.

PRINCE Thou sayst true, hostess, and he slanders thee 140
most grossly.

HOSTESS So he doth you, my lord, and said this other
day you owed him a thousand pound.

PRINCE Sirrah, do I owe you a thousand pound?

FALSTAFF A thousand pound, Hal? A million. Thy love is 145
worth a million; thou owest me thy love.

HOSTESS Nay, my lord, he called you “jack,” and said
he would cudgel you.

FALSTAFF Did I, Bardolph?

BARDOLPH Indeed, Sir John, you said so. 150

FALSTAFF Yea, if he said my ring was copper.

PRINCE I say ’tis copper. Darest thou be as good as thy
word now?

FALSTAFF Why, Hal, thou knowest, as thou art but
man, I dare, but as thou art prince, I fear thee as I 155
fear the roaring of the lion’s whelp.

PRINCE And why not as the lion?

FALSTAFF The King himself is to be feared as the lion.
Dost thou think I’ll fear thee as I fear thy father?
Nay, an I do, I pray God my girdle break. 160

Speak of the devil. Prince Hal enters with Peto.

Falstaff and Quickly whine to Hal and about the argument. Falstaff says the tavern has turned into a brothel – his pockets were picked and his money and ring were stolen.

Mistress Quickly tattles on Falstaff for talking trash about Hal behind his back.

Falstaff and Mistress Quickly trade rude insults.

PRINCE O, if it should, how would thy guts fall about
thy knees! But, sirrah, there’s no room for faith,
truth, nor honesty in this bosom of thine. It is all
filled up with guts and midriff. Charge an honest
woman with picking thy pocket? Why, thou whoreson, 165
impudent, embossed rascal, if there were
anything in thy pocket but tavern reckonings,
memorandums of bawdy houses, and one poor
pennyworth of sugar candy to make thee long-winded,
if thy pocket were enriched with any other 170
injuries but these, I am a villain. And yet you will
stand to it! You will not pocket up wrong! Art thou
not ashamed?

FALSTAFF Dost thou hear, Hal? Thou knowest in the
state of innocency Adam fell, and what should poor 175
Jack Falstaff do in the days of villainy? Thou seest I
have more flesh than another man and therefore
more frailty. You confess, then, you picked my
pocket.

PRINCE It appears so by the story. 180

Hal calls Falstaff a "whoreson impudent embossed rascal" and reveals that he, Prince Hal, was the one who riffled through Falstaff's pockets while the old man was passed out. Besides, there was nothing in the pockets but receipts from bars and brothels along with some candy.

FALSTAFF Hostess, I forgive thee. Go make ready
breakfast, love thy husband, look to thy servants,
cherish thy guests. Thou shalt find me tractable
to any honest reason. Thou seest I am pacified still.
Nay, prithee, begone. (Hostess exits.) Now, Hal, to 185
the news at court. For the robbery, lad, how is that
answered?

Falstaff recovers by telling the hostess he "forgives" her and then tells her to go make him some breakfast.

PRINCE O, my sweet beef, I must still be good angel to
thee. The money is paid back again.

FALSTAFF O, I do not like that paying back. ’Tis a double 190
labor.

PRINCE I am good friends with my father and may do
anything.

FALSTAFF Rob me the Exchequer the first thing thou
dost, and do it with unwashed hands too. 195

BARDOLPH Do, my lord.

Prince Hal tells Falstaff that he's paid back the money their crew stole from the king's treasury at Gads Hill.

PRINCE I have procured thee, Jack, a charge of foot.

FALSTAFF I would it had been of horse. Where shall I
find one that can steal well? O, for a fine thief of
the age of two-and-twenty or thereabouts! I am heinously 200
unprovided. Well, God be thanked for these
rebels. They offend none but the virtuous. I laud
them; I praise them.

PRINCE Bardolph.

BARDOLPH My lord. 205

PRINCE, handing Bardolph papers
Go, bear this letter to Lord John of Lancaster,
To my brother John; this to my Lord of
Westmoreland.

Bardolph exits.

Go, Peto, to horse, to horse, for thou and I
Have thirty miles to ride yet ere dinner time. 210

Peto exits.

Jack, meet me tomorrow in the Temple hall
At two o’clock in the afternoon;
There shalt thou know thy charge, and there receive
Money and order for their furniture.
The land is burning. Percy stands on high, 215
And either we or they must lower lie. He exits.

FALSTAFF
Rare words, brave world!—Hostess, my breakfast,
come.—
O, I could wish this tavern were my drum.
He exits.

Then Hal informs Falstaff that he's hooked him up as a Captain – Falstaff will organize and lead a company of soldiers to fight at Shrewsbury.

Hal sends Bardolph on an errand and tells Peto get their horses ready. They'll all meet up later and Hal will give Falstaff money to recruits and furnish troops.